For today.......

Hallo peeps. whats up?

I sit in front of my work system, 15 minutes to closing time, waiting for the stroke of the last minute for me to send my report for the day. I sit with hot poo in my bom-bom, contemplating if I should risk going to poo, or if I should chill till I get to class, where I reside for now cos of my exams. I decided to chill. Ope it wont prove to be a bad decision later. 

I'm pretty tensed these days, maybe its cos of my exams that are drawing closer by the day, or its the interview I have to go for next week. which ever one, I believe, by God's grace, they'll both be a success!!! but I have a lot to do mehn, in terms of preparation. i need to do my part, and God will do his. I believe!!! amen.

And, btw, that aint me at the pics.......but I'm that cute though. *wink*

Well, I have just one word for today....

When in a relationship, never apply this logic:

"I cheated on/hurt/lied to you because you did it to me first; making us even. I hope you learned your lesson."

Your relationship gains nothing if you attack a wrong doing with another wrong doing. Past mistakes should be forgiven and understood because the people we were yesterday does not necessarily resemble the people we are today.

Sometimes people actually do manage to change for the better, it just takes lots of time and maturity.

Yeah, thats it!!! 

Joke of the day!!!

Two men were shipwrecked on an island. They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone. The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders.

The chief walks to the men and says, ” What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?” The first man thinks for a second and replies, “I choose Boogaloo”.

The chief smiles and the tribe begins to chant “boogaloo, boogaloo, boogaloo”. The chief takes the man, bends him over and f**ks him up the ***.

The second man is horrified at what he has just witnessed and then the chief walks up to him and asks, “You must choose, Death or Boogaloo”?

The man thinks he would rather die than have boogaloo, so he replies, “I choose death”.

The tribe roars in ecstasy and the chief yells, “Death by boogaloo!!!”

6 Mistakes women make when it comes to sex

Ladies, be honest: when your sex life becomes a little humdrum (dull), out comes the mental catalogue of all the ways your partner isn't quite measuring up. And sure, we guys make our fair share of bedroom errors. But as the saying goes, "it takes two to tango". As a sex and relationship expert - I observed that women make plenty sex mistakes of their own and here’s my take on these mistakes...

Mistake #1: Not Initiating Sex With Your Partner

Many women worry about "lady-like behaviour". They don’t want to appear pushy or come on too strong for fear of being labelled a "slut". Accordin' to research, failing to initiate sex is one of the biggest mistakes women make. Most guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up imbalance on the passion scale in the relationship, generally, men want to be pursued by their partners just as much as women do.

Holding on to outdated ideas about sex roles inhibit satisfaction with our sexual relationships, people used to think that women are less interested in sexual activity and I don’t want to say that anymore. I think there are women who are as interested in sex [as men]. Show your interest by taking the first step from time to time. Your partner will likely appreciate it, and you may find a new level of satisfaction in taking responsibility for your sexual experience - this is something I strongly feel women must do...

#Word

Hmmmmm, I do love you nau, I'm just too busy to call.....it was hectic at the office today....but I say...

Its all excuses.

No matter how busy a person is, if they really care, they'll always find time for you.

Take, for example, they see a missed call in their phone from a number they don't recognize, wont they call to find out who? Then, why the excuse of not having the time?

Even if it's just a quick text, short Email, sending a note, a two seconds call......there is always a way if you truly care, remember you did in the beginning of the relationship....

#Word

I wonder too oh, for we Naija babes

Yankee babe

-1st date - Kiss

-2nd date - Sex

Naija babe;

-1st date - Handshake

-2nd date - Hug

-3rd date - Kiss

-4th date - Attempted sex but failed

-5th date - Shopping

-6th date - Cinema, BIS, more shopping

-7th date - Attempted sex but failed

-8th date - Sex or Rape!!!!!!!

Who's fault is it ???

You noticed him before he noticed you (Dos and Donts)

A woman asking a guy to marry her is unconventional. It’s NOT regular. A woman's responsibility is to prepare to be found. She was not made to initiate. The man must actively pursue her. In fact, he will enjoy the chase as much as she enjoys being chased. But when you saw him, you knew he fits your “Mr. Right” prototype and you liked him (almost) immediately. As a Lady, you know its best he starts the chase, but is there no how a woman can be the one to start the chase when the guy is not living up to his role?

ANSWER: There is a NON VERBAL proposal a woman can use to get a man she really likes and leave him thinking he actually proposed. Ruth in the Bible used it to get the Man of her Dream (Boaz) and you too can. Let me show you THE 10 NON VERBAL PROPOSALS for women. But before that, let me show you the FOUR WEAK STRATEGIES LADIES USE on GUYS they like that has always failed to produce result:

1. BEG HIM. This is what happens to a woman with low self-esteem. She has no understanding of who she is, what she’s got and what she’s capable of becoming. She begs a man to love her and get married to her. This is weak and pathetic. It is the wrong way to go.

Advice for guys........

She will cry and get over it, she will hate you and then love you again but, one day she will leave and won’t come back to you. Stop taking her love for granted.

Appreciate what she does for you, stop backing at her, stop calling her a bitch, a whore…and all sorts of ugly names. They hurt her though sometimes she doesn’t tell you, She cries in the deep nights because her love&care isn’t valued and returned. She has wounds at heart that she needs you to heal.

Fine she sees many classy guys out there, they vibe her but she never gives in because she is contented with YOU. Guys stop making that beautiful girl of yours cry, shower her with love, don't make her lack and cease disrespecting her. If you still have that chance of proving your love to her, please use it because one day she will be out of your life and that's when you will realize what she meant to your life, you will miss her effort, love and care and she will be no more. She will be with that other innocent, loving, caring, patient, understanding lonely guy out there.

THINK ABOUT IT.

Vagaina clasping....

Lol. Covering my face, cos I'm shy as I write this. Well, I curled it from a Psychologist's page. Any lady that can do this, could make a man reach the skies during sex...here it goes....

Some time ago - late last year or thereabout - I was counselling a couple as regards their sex life - the husband got involved in an illicit affair which he later stopped, but this affair had left such enormous scar on their marriage - he could not enjoy sex with his wife again. Not that he was impotent or...... "whatever", he was simply not finding her pleasurable in bed anymore.

Hmmm....

Now, I hear someone just said..."she don jazz am"..."she don put something for waist f**k am"...lolzzz...

Who knows...you just might be right (as a naija man - me sef bn think am...I no go lie...lolzzz) but then, lets get back to the story...*I found out something more*...

During the course of the therapy, I could clearly read that the man was hiding something *he couldn't say to his wife's hearing*...I requested that she excuse us for a while....I now asked him again..."its just the 2 of us now, tell me why you don't find sex with your wife pleasurable anymore"...he replied...

"actually doc', the truth is my wife is still hot but...my ex (the lady I had an affair with) - used to do something my wife doesn't do - anytime I'm about ejaculating, she used to squeeze her vaginal muscles, its such amazing sensation, always felt like a hand was gripping my d**k"

Hmmm....

Ladies and gents, I introduce to you - VAGINAL CLASPING....

10 signs that you are sleeping with a mammy water

Good morning, Happy Sunday, and happy new week!!! 

Starting today on a happy note. didn't sleep all night, because I'm preparing for a Job aptitude test which I'm writing this morning. I'll be traveling from PH to Owerri for it. Don't wish me luck. its cool, I know, but I'll prefer if you wish me God's grace!!!

That said, i found this hilarious, but, surprisingly true piece. Please oh, look that ur girlfriend well oh. She fit be mammy water!!! Lmao...............

This is for all the guys who pick up random girls on the streets without knowing anything about them. Here’s how to know if you are sharing your bed with a mammy water:

1.You picked her up from the street or some other random place. Maybe she was even standing in front of an uncompleted building

2.You don’t know her surname. She told you her name is “ Just Julie”

3.She agreed to sleep with you on the very first day, in fact she moved into your house, no questions asked.

4.She never gets tired. She can pound yam, fry garri, grind pepper with a stone and still have s*x with you when she finishes.

This was the sign that cracked me up. Surprisingly, its true!!! Read the rest after the cut.

#WORD

Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a di#k to ride on.

#WORD

Joke of the day!!!

A guy went to a casino and lost all 10 000$. Swearing for the situation he goes
to a taxi driver and asks:
- I have lost all my money, please give me a ride back home for free.
- Fuck off, no money, no ride.
The next day the guys come to casino again and this time he successfully won all the money back and 10 000$ extra. Hi goes out of the casino happily and sees five taxis, and the last car is the one, which refused to give a ride for free yesterday.
He goes to the first taxi and says:
- Will you take me home for 100$?
- Sure!
- But when you take me there you'll have to do the blow-job as well
- Fuck off, man..
The guys goes to all next three cars and the story repeats. Finally he goes to the last taxi driver, who refused to help a day ago, and says:
- Will you take me home for 100$?
- Sure!
- Deal, but you have to pass through those other four taxi drivers very, very slowly.

Dear readers....

I had séx with my brother-in-law by mistake. In the dark I thought he was my husband. I’m 29, my husband’s 31. His parents held a family party for his niece’s 18th birthday last weekend. Everyone was there, including my husband’s brother who was home from working away in Saudi. He’s 36. We all get on well and there was plenty of alcohol and food. It was a nice party and we carried on drinking and dancing into the small hours.
My husband went up to bed before me and said he’d be waiting for me. I followed him up 20 minutes later. I got into bed feeling frisky and we ended up having séx. I woke up a couple of hours later and sat up to get a drink of water. I pulled back the curtain to let some light in through the window from the street lamp right outside the bedroom.
I looked round and got the shock of my life when I realised I was in bed with the wrong man. The man beside me was my husband’s brother. I’d gone into the wrong bedroom and I guess my brother-in-law thought it was his lucky day. We had all had a lot to drink. I ran to the right bedroom and crawled into bed with my husband who was fast asleep. Then I realised I’d left my underwear in the other room, so I sneaked back.
My brother-in-law was stirring so I hissed that we must keep quiet about what had happened. He just said, “Whatever.” He’s flown back to Saudi now but I don’t know whether to admit everything to my husband. If this comes out I’ll lose a man I love more than anything and cause family ructions.

What should she do?

Joke of the day!!!

A hot secretary came out angry out of her boss' office, her colleague asked "What happened? You went in happy and came out angry."

She replied, "he asked me if am free tonight? I said absolutely free! Then the bastard gave me 45 pages to type! 

He he he he he he......I loovveeee that boss!!!

Stole this......a lesson, though.

Some men are truly wicked I swear. How can a guy make his girlfriend go through several abortions to the point that her womb had to be removed. After destroying that small girl's life (18 or 19 yrs), he had the heart to sit her down that he doesn't want the relationship anymore, that they should just be friends. And he expected her to take it in good faith. Mstchewww! The girl stabbed him to death in his sleep anyways. As much as I hate to say it, he had it coming.

MORAL LESSON: Have a heart, treat people the way u would want to be treated or what might happen to u would b worse than this. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!!!

Not my article, though, but I'll add this. If u re a woman in such a situation, don't waste the guy and kill him just like that. you are free to use him for juju. 

As my dad will say, a lady you know u cant marry, don't Fu#k. True Talk.

Question of the day!!!

Which one sounds better??
1.lets have sex.
2.lets make love.
3.lets sleep together
4.lets bond.
5.lets work out.
6.lets do it.
7.lets make babies
8.lets squeeze each other.
9.OTHERS SPECIFY.

Lol. For me, wen I'm joking, I say number 7.....he he he he he........but wen I'm serious, I say nothing, i just do it!!! So, which is yours??

Why good people end up in bad relationships

10+1 Reasons Why.

With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making serious mistakes in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid being numbered in this "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights

#1. YOU PICK THE WRONG PERSON BECAUSE YOU EXPECT HIM/HER TO CHANGE AFTER YOU'RE MARRIED.
Never marry a potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married... for the worst!"
So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now. (NOTE- This doesn’t include financially. You can marry him/her if s/he has the potential to become wealthier and more comfortable than s/he is now).

Guys and Ladies...this is for you.

What we say, and what we actually mean. Lol. its true sha.

WOMEN'S ENGLISH
 1. Yes = No
 2. No = Yes
 3. Maybe = No
 4. We need = I want
 5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
 6. We need to talk = you’re in trouble
 7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
 8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
 9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
 10. You’re very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

Read that of men after the cut.

Joke of the day!!!

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, he doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him."

"Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs."

"Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.

#WORD

A guy asked you for sex and you asked, "Do you Love me?". What do you expect him to say or Are YOU a LEARNER ?

I wonder too ooh.

#WORD jare.

The Institution of Marriage

Marriage is a School where you get the Certificate before you start.
A school where you will never graduate,
A school without a break or a free period,
A school where no one is allowed to drop out,
A school which you will have to attend every day of your life,
A school where there is no sick leave or holidays.

WoW. What a wonderful piece!!! And it gets more interesting, after the cut.