A middle aged businessman is married to a hot young woman. He has to go on a business trip, the first since their wedding. He knows full well that there’s no way she can remain loyal while he’s away so he decided to go to the local Adult Toy Store to get something for her to pass the time with.
He explains his situation to the clerk and asks if there’s anything in the store that will keep his wife occupied for an entire week. The clerk starts to say something but quickly changes his mind and says that, no, there is nothing.
man: You were about to say something, please tell me what you were about to say!
clerk: Well, we’re really not suppose to say anything about it…
man: Honestly, money’s no object! If you can sell me something to keep her occupied for a week, I’ll pay you enough that you can retire tonight and buy your own island in the bahamas.
clerk: well, I suppose there’s no harm in showing you…
He pulls an old shoebox out from under the counter and opens it. Inside the man sees a regular looking rubber dildo.
clerk: Just watch this, sir. Voodoo Dick, the door!
the dildo flies out of the box and starts banging into the keyhole of the front door. The door is moaning and starts to crack down the middle before the clerk shouts “Voodoo Dick, the box!” The dildo flies back to the box and lies back down.
The man presents the Voodoo Dick to his wife right as he’s on his way out the door. “All you have to do is open this box and say “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!”. She promises to give it a try.
Ten minutes after he leaves, she catches herself checking out the pool boy and remembers her promise to her husband. She goes to her bedroom, opens the box and commands “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!”
She can’t believe the power and prowess of this magical dildo. She cums and cums and cums until five hours later she’s overcome with exhaustion. Unfortunately she can’t remember how to turn it off.
After a while, she decides to go to the hospital and have them surgically remove it. As you can imagine though, it’s hard to drive with a Voodoo Dick inside of you and of course she gets pulled over.
cop: Ma’am, have you been drinking?
woman: No officer, not a single OHMYGOD *excuse me* not a drop
cop: Do you realize how recklessly you were driving? Have you no excuse?
woman: Officer, I swear I’m driving the best I HOLY SHIT!!! *cough* the best I can.
cop: I ought to take you in as you don’t seem to be taking this seriously at all!
woman: The truth is, Officer, that I’m being attacked by a Voodoo Dick!
cop: HAH!! Voodoo Dick my ass!
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