Joke of the day!!!

A middle aged businessman is married to a hot young woman. He has to go on a business trip, the first since their wedding. He knows full well that there’s no way she can remain loyal while he’s away so he decided to go to the local Adult Toy Store to get something for her to pass the time with.

He explains his situation to the clerk and asks if there’s anything in the store that will keep his wife occupied for an entire week. The clerk starts to say something but quickly changes his mind and says that, no, there is nothing.

man: You were about to say something, please tell me what you were about to say!

clerk: Well, we’re really not suppose to say anything about it…

man: Honestly, money’s no object! If you can sell me something to keep her occupied for a week, I’ll pay you enough that you can retire tonight and buy your own island in the bahamas.

clerk: well, I suppose there’s no harm in showing you…

He pulls an old shoebox out from under the counter and opens it. Inside the man sees a regular looking rubber dildo.

clerk: Just watch this, sir. Voodoo Dick, the door!

the dildo flies out of the box and starts banging into the keyhole of the front door. The door is moaning and starts to crack down the middle before the clerk shouts “Voodoo Dick, the box!” The dildo flies back to the box and lies back down.

The man presents the Voodoo Dick to his wife right as he’s on his way out the door. “All you have to do is open this box and say “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!”. She promises to give it a try.

Ten minutes after he leaves, she catches herself checking out the pool boy and remembers her promise to her husband. She goes to her bedroom, opens the box and commands “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!”

She can’t believe the power and prowess of this magical dildo. She cums and cums and cums until five hours later she’s overcome with exhaustion. Unfortunately she can’t remember how to turn it off.

After a while, she decides to go to the hospital and have them surgically remove it. As you can imagine though, it’s hard to drive with a Voodoo Dick inside of you and of course she gets pulled over.

cop: Ma’am, have you been drinking?

woman: No officer, not a single OHMYGOD *excuse me* not a drop

cop: Do you realize how recklessly you were driving? Have you no excuse?

woman: Officer, I swear I’m driving the best I HOLY SHIT!!! *cough* the best I can.

cop: I ought to take you in as you don’t seem to be taking this seriously at all!

woman: The truth is, Officer, that I’m being attacked by a Voodoo Dick!

cop: HAH!! Voodoo Dick my ass!

Photo of the day!!!

After using a satchet of Alabukun to stay awake at night to read, I'm now in the office nodding my head. my eyes are soo heavy. Good morning peeps. 

#Mehn, @ our photo of the day........................#Mehn. Thats all I can say!!!

Joke of the day!!!

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Mehn, ko easy, ra ra!!!

Mehn!!! its now I know I'm writing exam!!! Seriously!!! 

Abeg una good afternoon oh. 

Long time no blog. Really missed this shit mehn. I've been off, cos I've been preparing for my accounting professional exams (ACCA). I wrote the first paper for this diet on monday, and mehn, wen I read the questions requirement, I was stonned with pure awesomeness (as my friend Oreva will say). As in ehn, I just started laughing, so that I wont cry. It was krazie. See me oh, I was underating Audit, cos I was thinking, as I could pass audit at the foundation level on the very first sitting, this would be pretty easy. I was sooo mistaken!!! Now I know what it means to be writing at the professional level. I tot I was well prepared. I think I was well prepared, I tink it was time constraint. I saw I had sooo much to do in so little time, and that made me rush the exam, trying to write as much as possible, and this made me do less thinking. By Gods grace, I have faith that I'll pass sha. These my sleepless nights under musquito and bathing outside wont be in vain!!! Amen!!!

I have two more papers to go, one on Monday, and another on Tuesday. By God's grace, both will be fine. For this, I aint completely back, I'm still MIA for the time being. 

Whats up?????

Hello dudes and dudetts!!! Whats up, how is ur day going??? Hope its as beautiful as the butterfly. Haha.

How re you'all holding up??? Hot afternoon right here in Nigeria, and it seems the clock is taking twice as much time to tick.......the day is sooo slow.......

Twelve days to exam, I have a whole lot to do, and I'm here blogging. Lol. I hope i am able to catch up mehn. I still have a whole lot to do. ?God help me.

I mentioned what my ex did to me, rite???? See it in my previous post here. Imagine, I guess she sensed that I was pissed. Yesterday, she sent me a text, congratulating me on my success in the interview, which I had previously told her about. I guess she is just looking for a means to strike up a conversation. Double yimu. Lol. I didnt reply her, I totally ignored the text. WTF does she even take me for sef??? Lol. 

A typical Nigerian wedding......

My brother posted that video on his Facebook page. Thats a typical yoruba wedding. Mehn!!! see money being spent naa!!! as in, Thats 2 plots of land in VI and house built to lintel level in the second floor of a beautiful duplex spent in one day!!! Oh mehn ehhhh!!! No wonder we Africans don't divorce like the whites do!!! When you thing of spending such amount on a second wedding, u go just forgive that wife. Lol. Mehn!!! God, pls take me to that level, my wedding go gel pass that one!!!

Seriously, a wedding is only done once, and if its only done once, its better done right!!! So, do all u can to make the day as memorable as possible, so that after then, u wont think back and have regrets on the things u have done, and the things u wish u had done.

Joke of the day!!!

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom so long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer. If, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was, “What do women really want?”

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end. Arthur returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people told him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

Lol.......

You are 35yrs old, no job , no house , no car, no money ,NO FUTURE AMBITION, nothing to call your own, and you say you want a girl to love you for who you are......................................Please who are you?

Hello!!!

Good Morning peeps!!!

A quick word for today......saw it somewhere and liked it......

After a long time, you'll learn that:

''Surprises mean a lot than Promises''

''Kisses and Hugs mean a lot than sex: coz they show love and affection''

''Tears mean a lot than laughter and: Pride the first step of falling back''

You'll learn that

''Love controls everything, and hatred means nothing,

you'll find more happiness in Forgiveness and More guilt in Revenge''

And on that day, thats when you will learn that: 

''God, had no intension to make you suffer, but only ur hatred is responsible for every tear that you shed''

You all should have a nice day!!!

Top 5 lies about Marriage

Marriage is often seen as fix-all - dreamy singles think it will make them happy, restless men and women think it will make them feel complete. We take apart the five most popular cons that mar marriage.

I won't be lonely
Being lonely or having company has nothing to do with getting married. Many loners remain so even after marriage. A long-suffering woman shared her woes, she said that though she was married, she was always lonely. "I never felt that we shared anything. When I spoke, he heard but never listened. On holidays, I never felt that we were together." Those who are lonely and feel that marriage will be a solution, need to analyse and identify what they are feeling.

Happy weekend peeps!!!

 

Happy weekend y'all.

 

Whats up and how are you spending this weekend???? For me, its been a very hectic day at work today. Imagine, we are supposed to close by 5:00, its 4:40 pm and the rain has started falling, heavily. haven't been a nice day for me.

 

How was your week??? For me, its been a week to remember. On Monday, I said I was going for an interview on Tuesday, rite?? Well, I did. Travelled from PH to Owerri for it, came back that same day, and trust me, I sure gave them hell!!! lol. I wasnt scared of if I'll be taken of not, I was only skeptical, not sure if this is what I want for myself.

Well, yesterday afternoon, I got a text from them, that I was successful, and I will be contacted soonest. meaning, all that stands between me and the job is just Medicals. I give all glory unto God, because it is only by his grace was that made possible.

 

More on my intresting week and boring weekend after the cut......lol.

Somthing to think about in ur spare time......

 

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT IN YOUR SPARE TIME:

SIMPLE TRUTH 1

Lovers help each other undress before sex.

However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats."

But, none of them touch the man's penis and say, "Good job."

Moral of the story: Quality work is never appreciated.

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE

 

Soo funny. Read em after the cut.....

Mc. Dabiz: The secret of lasting and happy relationship.

SECRET OF LASTING AND HAPPY RELATIONSHIP

By Mc Dabiz:

1. Not all relationships must lead to marriage. Some relationships are for a reason, others are for a season only few are for a life time. If it doesn't work out don't kill yourself because it was for something. Discover the purpose and move on.

2. Don't give a man or a woman the totality of your heart before giving the totality of your heart to God. Love that person but put God first.

3. Don't get carried away with beauty or money. If that person's inner person cannot keep you, his money or her beauty cannot either.

4. Love is never enough; understanding, compatibility, wisdom, patience and tolerance are equally important.

Preach Preacher!!! But seriously, he is sooo right!!! More when you continue.

Beer vs. Veejayjay

BEER vs VAGINA

1. Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work. One point to the BEER.

2. Warm beer tastes awful. One point to VAGINA.

3. A really cold beer is satisfying. One point to BEER.

4. If after taking a swig of your favorite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit. One point to VAGINA.

5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. IT'S A DRAW for the time being.

6. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home. Ten vaginas in one night and you don't want to drive anywhere. One point to VAGINA.

7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may suffer. If you eat any p***y in public, you become a legend. One point to VAGINA.
Lmao. More when you continue.

Hmmmmm........that EX.....

Studies have shown that in many marriages the first issue doesn't belong to the husband. When I heard this I was shocked and I doubted it. Then I heard stories. Well I will advise men to be watchful so you don't end up raising another man's kids out of ignorance. If you want to raise them let it be by choice and not due to deceit on part of the wife.

Well, in many cases, weeks to the wedding or days to the wedding the bride receives a call from her ex begging to see her b4 she finally becomes a Mrs. Or he calls to tell her to come give him the invitation card personally that since they go way back that he needs a face-to-face invitation. The lady after considering it maybe then agrees to go and see him. The venue would probably be his house. On getting there, they would reminisce over old times and laugh and then the guy starts crying.

Crying and explaining how he was going to miss her and then the lady joins and you know a woman's greatest aphrodisiac is when she is emotionally down. They start from kissing and then clothes starts flying and such intercourses almost never takes place with protection.

The woman gets pregnant and since the act took place days or weeks b4 the wedding the assumption by the husband would be that he is responsible. He ends up taking care of another man's baby not out of choice but out of ignorance.

Ladies, please when you say yes to a man's proposal and the wedding date has been fixed please forget visiting your ex for the last time cuz more often than not it leads to sex. Some even go there with the intention of having one last hot sex. I know of a lady that left for her wedding venue from her ex bf's apartment. E no make sense nah. Please let's avoid stories that touch. If he asks for a face-to-face invitation tell him that if he doesn't want to come that he should 4get about it.

How to get a Nigerian man to marry you.

 

Lol. Hillarious. 

How to get a Nigerian man to marry you

Getting a Nigerian man to marry you is the easiest thing in the world. This is your chance to stop being single and get a-mingling.These easy steps will get you married, bedded, bare foot and pregnant in less than a year, guaranteed or your money back.

-- Be very religious. Nigerian men loveeeee them some religious girls. you don't actually have to be, you just have to pretend that you are. talk about the night vigils you go to every now and then. slip in some Bible passages in random conversations even when they don't fit in. Give him a Bible for his birthday. call him randomly for "morning prayers". a Nigerian man will marry a woman who appears to be religious. fake it till you get that ring baby girl.

Happy sunday, Happy Mother's day!!!

Read this story, check it out here.

Hilarious, but true. If we really wanna be truthful to ourselves, that's it. Dont wanna say much about it, just check it out, promise you, it'll get u cracking up. Happy Sunday. 

Btw, I heard today is mother's day........again???? Tot it has been celebrated two times already this year??? Well, a thousand days is not enough to celebrate our mothers, so, every time we get the opportunity, lets say a big Thank you to them, for the unmeasurable love they've shown to us.My Mummy, once again, I say, thank you, I love you, I would never have wished for someone better, I appreciate all you've done for me, whatever I am today, u are a major part of it, after God's grace, I owe it all to you. Thanks Mum. Happy Mothers Day!!!

Dear readers.....

I got married 4 months ago, I'm tired of this marriage, I may need court order to divorce by next month if things are still same. Before we got married 4 months ago, we court/dated for 18 months which I believe is enough for both of us to study ourselves to know our do and don't. Within this 18 months she spent one and half month in my house house under same roof. We live like couple for this period, she was an angel, her ways and mode of doing things were so unique that I even hasting things up for the wedding, but since the very day of wedding she has turned something else To start with, she doesn't listen to me, before I say one thing she would have say four. She doesn't listening to correction, she nag always, even when she is wrong she won't listen to correction, she believe that all what she do or say is right. Our sex life is nothing to talk about, we had sex just 6 times since we got married, she is not always in the mood, our honey moon lasted for 1 week and we had sex just once through out the honey moon. I'm badly starve, I'm a guy that derive much pleasure in sex but she is not always in The mood, I have promised my self from the beginning of my life to stay off extra marital affairs, I'm a very gentle person, a merry maker, who want the people around him to be always happy, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't have girlfriend,i believe in faithfulness,but this woman is about bringing out the animal in me. Please I need advise from you guys, what should I do because if things continue this way, by next month I may have to divorce her.

What do y'all think 'bout this?

Happy weekend peeps!!!

What do u think of guys keeping condoms in their wallet?

Assuming, u have a steady boyfriend, and u choose to be faithful, and so u see no need to use a condom with him, flesh to flesh is always sweeter u know!!! Then, a day came, and you had a reason to go through his wallet and you see a condom. What will you do, and how will you feel?

Whats the general perception of a guy with a condom in his wallet??? Lets debate about this, as we have a fun filled weekend!!!! 

Joke of the day!!!

Mr and Mrs Akpors at a zoo walk past a gorilla enclosure.

Mrs Akpors: Sweetheart, do u know that gorillas are the only animals that behave like men? Look.

(seeing that no one is watching, she exposes one of her sweet breasts)

Sure enough, the gorilla gets excited & grabs the bars of  d enclosure as if it wanted to break free.

Mrs Akpors: See, now I know why u react the way u do; men can't control their instincts just like gorillas can't...Men & gorillas are the same.

Mr Akpors: Wow.. now expose both breast & see what happens.

(So she exposes both breasts to d gorilla & it gets very excited dat it want to escape from d enclosure)

Mr Akpors: dis is incredible, now pull ur skirt up, turn around, expose ur bum & let's see wat happens.

(d woman did exactly & dis time, d gorilla breaks free from d enclosure, grabs Mrs Akpors and starts yanking her clothes off)

Mrs Akpors[yells]: Dear........wat do I do now? Please help me!

Mr Akpors: Now, tell him you're in ur period, u av a headache or you're not in mood, and let's see if Gorillas and Men are really d same.

For today.......

Hallo peeps. whats up?

I sit in front of my work system, 15 minutes to closing time, waiting for the stroke of the last minute for me to send my report for the day. I sit with hot poo in my bom-bom, contemplating if I should risk going to poo, or if I should chill till I get to class, where I reside for now cos of my exams. I decided to chill. Ope it wont prove to be a bad decision later. 

I'm pretty tensed these days, maybe its cos of my exams that are drawing closer by the day, or its the interview I have to go for next week. which ever one, I believe, by God's grace, they'll both be a success!!! but I have a lot to do mehn, in terms of preparation. i need to do my part, and God will do his. I believe!!! amen.

And, btw, that aint me at the pics.......but I'm that cute though. *wink*

Well, I have just one word for today....

When in a relationship, never apply this logic:

"I cheated on/hurt/lied to you because you did it to me first; making us even. I hope you learned your lesson."

Your relationship gains nothing if you attack a wrong doing with another wrong doing. Past mistakes should be forgiven and understood because the people we were yesterday does not necessarily resemble the people we are today.

Sometimes people actually do manage to change for the better, it just takes lots of time and maturity.

Yeah, thats it!!! 

Joke of the day!!!

Two men were shipwrecked on an island. They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone. The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders.

The chief walks to the men and says, ” What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?” The first man thinks for a second and replies, “I choose Boogaloo”.

The chief smiles and the tribe begins to chant “boogaloo, boogaloo, boogaloo”. The chief takes the man, bends him over and f**ks him up the ***.

The second man is horrified at what he has just witnessed and then the chief walks up to him and asks, “You must choose, Death or Boogaloo”?

The man thinks he would rather die than have boogaloo, so he replies, “I choose death”.

The tribe roars in ecstasy and the chief yells, “Death by boogaloo!!!”

6 Mistakes women make when it comes to sex

Ladies, be honest: when your sex life becomes a little humdrum (dull), out comes the mental catalogue of all the ways your partner isn't quite measuring up. And sure, we guys make our fair share of bedroom errors. But as the saying goes, "it takes two to tango". As a sex and relationship expert - I observed that women make plenty sex mistakes of their own and here’s my take on these mistakes...

Mistake #1: Not Initiating Sex With Your Partner

Many women worry about "lady-like behaviour". They don’t want to appear pushy or come on too strong for fear of being labelled a "slut". Accordin' to research, failing to initiate sex is one of the biggest mistakes women make. Most guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up imbalance on the passion scale in the relationship, generally, men want to be pursued by their partners just as much as women do.

Holding on to outdated ideas about sex roles inhibit satisfaction with our sexual relationships, people used to think that women are less interested in sexual activity and I don’t want to say that anymore. I think there are women who are as interested in sex [as men]. Show your interest by taking the first step from time to time. Your partner will likely appreciate it, and you may find a new level of satisfaction in taking responsibility for your sexual experience - this is something I strongly feel women must do...

#Word

Hmmmmm, I do love you nau, I'm just too busy to call.....it was hectic at the office today....but I say...

Its all excuses.

No matter how busy a person is, if they really care, they'll always find time for you.

Take, for example, they see a missed call in their phone from a number they don't recognize, wont they call to find out who? Then, why the excuse of not having the time?

Even if it's just a quick text, short Email, sending a note, a two seconds call......there is always a way if you truly care, remember you did in the beginning of the relationship....

#Word

I wonder too oh, for we Naija babes

Yankee babe

-1st date - Kiss

-2nd date - Sex

Naija babe;

-1st date - Handshake

-2nd date - Hug

-3rd date - Kiss

-4th date - Attempted sex but failed

-5th date - Shopping

-6th date - Cinema, BIS, more shopping

-7th date - Attempted sex but failed

-8th date - Sex or Rape!!!!!!!

Who's fault is it ???

You noticed him before he noticed you (Dos and Donts)

A woman asking a guy to marry her is unconventional. It’s NOT regular. A woman's responsibility is to prepare to be found. She was not made to initiate. The man must actively pursue her. In fact, he will enjoy the chase as much as she enjoys being chased. But when you saw him, you knew he fits your “Mr. Right” prototype and you liked him (almost) immediately. As a Lady, you know its best he starts the chase, but is there no how a woman can be the one to start the chase when the guy is not living up to his role?

ANSWER: There is a NON VERBAL proposal a woman can use to get a man she really likes and leave him thinking he actually proposed. Ruth in the Bible used it to get the Man of her Dream (Boaz) and you too can. Let me show you THE 10 NON VERBAL PROPOSALS for women. But before that, let me show you the FOUR WEAK STRATEGIES LADIES USE on GUYS they like that has always failed to produce result:

1. BEG HIM. This is what happens to a woman with low self-esteem. She has no understanding of who she is, what she’s got and what she’s capable of becoming. She begs a man to love her and get married to her. This is weak and pathetic. It is the wrong way to go.

Advice for guys........

She will cry and get over it, she will hate you and then love you again but, one day she will leave and won’t come back to you. Stop taking her love for granted.

Appreciate what she does for you, stop backing at her, stop calling her a bitch, a whore…and all sorts of ugly names. They hurt her though sometimes she doesn’t tell you, She cries in the deep nights because her love&care isn’t valued and returned. She has wounds at heart that she needs you to heal.

Fine she sees many classy guys out there, they vibe her but she never gives in because she is contented with YOU. Guys stop making that beautiful girl of yours cry, shower her with love, don't make her lack and cease disrespecting her. If you still have that chance of proving your love to her, please use it because one day she will be out of your life and that's when you will realize what she meant to your life, you will miss her effort, love and care and she will be no more. She will be with that other innocent, loving, caring, patient, understanding lonely guy out there.

THINK ABOUT IT.

Vagaina clasping....

Lol. Covering my face, cos I'm shy as I write this. Well, I curled it from a Psychologist's page. Any lady that can do this, could make a man reach the skies during sex...here it goes....

Some time ago - late last year or thereabout - I was counselling a couple as regards their sex life - the husband got involved in an illicit affair which he later stopped, but this affair had left such enormous scar on their marriage - he could not enjoy sex with his wife again. Not that he was impotent or...... "whatever", he was simply not finding her pleasurable in bed anymore.

Hmmm....

Now, I hear someone just said..."she don jazz am"..."she don put something for waist f**k am"...lolzzz...

Who knows...you just might be right (as a naija man - me sef bn think am...I no go lie...lolzzz) but then, lets get back to the story...*I found out something more*...

During the course of the therapy, I could clearly read that the man was hiding something *he couldn't say to his wife's hearing*...I requested that she excuse us for a while....I now asked him again..."its just the 2 of us now, tell me why you don't find sex with your wife pleasurable anymore"...he replied...

"actually doc', the truth is my wife is still hot but...my ex (the lady I had an affair with) - used to do something my wife doesn't do - anytime I'm about ejaculating, she used to squeeze her vaginal muscles, its such amazing sensation, always felt like a hand was gripping my d**k"

Hmmm....

Ladies and gents, I introduce to you - VAGINAL CLASPING....

10 signs that you are sleeping with a mammy water

Good morning, Happy Sunday, and happy new week!!! 

Starting today on a happy note. didn't sleep all night, because I'm preparing for a Job aptitude test which I'm writing this morning. I'll be traveling from PH to Owerri for it. Don't wish me luck. its cool, I know, but I'll prefer if you wish me God's grace!!!

That said, i found this hilarious, but, surprisingly true piece. Please oh, look that ur girlfriend well oh. She fit be mammy water!!! Lmao...............

This is for all the guys who pick up random girls on the streets without knowing anything about them. Here’s how to know if you are sharing your bed with a mammy water:

1.You picked her up from the street or some other random place. Maybe she was even standing in front of an uncompleted building

2.You don’t know her surname. She told you her name is “ Just Julie”

3.She agreed to sleep with you on the very first day, in fact she moved into your house, no questions asked.

4.She never gets tired. She can pound yam, fry garri, grind pepper with a stone and still have s*x with you when she finishes.

This was the sign that cracked me up. Surprisingly, its true!!! Read the rest after the cut.

#WORD

Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a di#k to ride on.

#WORD

Joke of the day!!!

A guy went to a casino and lost all 10 000$. Swearing for the situation he goes
to a taxi driver and asks:
- I have lost all my money, please give me a ride back home for free.
- Fuck off, no money, no ride.
The next day the guys come to casino again and this time he successfully won all the money back and 10 000$ extra. Hi goes out of the casino happily and sees five taxis, and the last car is the one, which refused to give a ride for free yesterday.
He goes to the first taxi and says:
- Will you take me home for 100$?
- Sure!
- But when you take me there you'll have to do the blow-job as well
- Fuck off, man..
The guys goes to all next three cars and the story repeats. Finally he goes to the last taxi driver, who refused to help a day ago, and says:
- Will you take me home for 100$?
- Sure!
- Deal, but you have to pass through those other four taxi drivers very, very slowly.

Dear readers....

I had séx with my brother-in-law by mistake. In the dark I thought he was my husband. I’m 29, my husband’s 31. His parents held a family party for his niece’s 18th birthday last weekend. Everyone was there, including my husband’s brother who was home from working away in Saudi. He’s 36. We all get on well and there was plenty of alcohol and food. It was a nice party and we carried on drinking and dancing into the small hours.
My husband went up to bed before me and said he’d be waiting for me. I followed him up 20 minutes later. I got into bed feeling frisky and we ended up having séx. I woke up a couple of hours later and sat up to get a drink of water. I pulled back the curtain to let some light in through the window from the street lamp right outside the bedroom.
I looked round and got the shock of my life when I realised I was in bed with the wrong man. The man beside me was my husband’s brother. I’d gone into the wrong bedroom and I guess my brother-in-law thought it was his lucky day. We had all had a lot to drink. I ran to the right bedroom and crawled into bed with my husband who was fast asleep. Then I realised I’d left my underwear in the other room, so I sneaked back.
My brother-in-law was stirring so I hissed that we must keep quiet about what had happened. He just said, “Whatever.” He’s flown back to Saudi now but I don’t know whether to admit everything to my husband. If this comes out I’ll lose a man I love more than anything and cause family ructions.

What should she do?

Joke of the day!!!

A hot secretary came out angry out of her boss' office, her colleague asked "What happened? You went in happy and came out angry."

She replied, "he asked me if am free tonight? I said absolutely free! Then the bastard gave me 45 pages to type! 

He he he he he he......I loovveeee that boss!!!

Stole this......a lesson, though.

Some men are truly wicked I swear. How can a guy make his girlfriend go through several abortions to the point that her womb had to be removed. After destroying that small girl's life (18 or 19 yrs), he had the heart to sit her down that he doesn't want the relationship anymore, that they should just be friends. And he expected her to take it in good faith. Mstchewww! The girl stabbed him to death in his sleep anyways. As much as I hate to say it, he had it coming.

MORAL LESSON: Have a heart, treat people the way u would want to be treated or what might happen to u would b worse than this. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!!!

Not my article, though, but I'll add this. If u re a woman in such a situation, don't waste the guy and kill him just like that. you are free to use him for juju. 

As my dad will say, a lady you know u cant marry, don't Fu#k. True Talk.

Question of the day!!!

Which one sounds better??
1.lets have sex.
2.lets make love.
3.lets sleep together
4.lets bond.
5.lets work out.
6.lets do it.
7.lets make babies
8.lets squeeze each other.
9.OTHERS SPECIFY.

Lol. For me, wen I'm joking, I say number 7.....he he he he he........but wen I'm serious, I say nothing, i just do it!!! So, which is yours??

Why good people end up in bad relationships

10+1 Reasons Why.

With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making serious mistakes in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid being numbered in this "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights

#1. YOU PICK THE WRONG PERSON BECAUSE YOU EXPECT HIM/HER TO CHANGE AFTER YOU'RE MARRIED.
Never marry a potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married... for the worst!"
So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now. (NOTE- This doesn’t include financially. You can marry him/her if s/he has the potential to become wealthier and more comfortable than s/he is now).

Guys and Ladies...this is for you.

What we say, and what we actually mean. Lol. its true sha.

WOMEN'S ENGLISH
 1. Yes = No
 2. No = Yes
 3. Maybe = No
 4. We need = I want
 5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
 6. We need to talk = you’re in trouble
 7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
 8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
 9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
 10. You’re very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

Read that of men after the cut.

Joke of the day!!!

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, he doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him."

"Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs."

"Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.

#WORD

A guy asked you for sex and you asked, "Do you Love me?". What do you expect him to say or Are YOU a LEARNER ?

I wonder too ooh.

#WORD jare.

The Institution of Marriage

Marriage is a School where you get the Certificate before you start.
A school where you will never graduate,
A school without a break or a free period,
A school where no one is allowed to drop out,
A school which you will have to attend every day of your life,
A school where there is no sick leave or holidays.

WoW. What a wonderful piece!!! And it gets more interesting, after the cut.

Lmao. That year. lol. wen we used to write love letters.

Made me remember back in the days mehn, wen I was quite young. Soo funny wen I remember the kinda things we used to do.
I remember wen my friend seized the love letter written to me from one of my girlfriends, and was caught with it by a teacher. It was actually wen we were writing our WAEC, and we were to be searched at the door before entering the hall. He forgot it was in his pocket. Trust me naa, I deny the dude and the letter. Lwkmd.

Not my letter oh!!!

Letter from her:

=========

Hand post

** ROLL DOWN TO U YOU ** KISS BEFORE YOU READ

**"P D N F"--- please do no fold

Roll down to you sweetiepie Babe!

Time and ability plus double capacity has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. Why! this miraculous thing happened is because papie I love you spontaneously and as I stand horizontal to the wall and perpendicular to the ground.

I only think of you, since you are a fantastic and fabulous guy. papie please stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat.

How to talk to Ladies.....

I curled it from a site, wanna use it to open the blog for this new week. Happy new week peeps!!!

Most guys don't know how to carry a conversation with a woman, or talk to her in a way that makes her feel attraction to you. Most guys just wind up boring women.

1.) You should talk about “emotional” topics like childhood memories, future ambitions, or her passions. These conversation topics will open up her emotional floodgates.

2.) Women want a guy who is not afraid to lead her. While talking to a woman take control of the conversation. Never wait for her to dictate what you’ll be talking about.

3.) Pay attention to the non verbal cues a woman is giving you. If you’re standing too close to her, accidentally spitting when you talk, or making her feel uncomfortable in any way… she will send you hints. Pay attention to them.

4.) Remember this motto “Fun not Funny.” Women are attracted to men who allow them to have fun. Don’t concentrate on having the funniest jokes. Concentrate on showing them the most excitement and enjoyment.

How to attract a girl who already has a boyfriend.......

No be me talk am oh!!! lol. Well, its just an article for you all to chill off with thru the weekend. Its for guys alone btw.

How To Attract A Girl Who Already Has A Boyfriend

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you met a beautiful girl and got along with her incredibly well, just to find out she already had a boyfriend? Well, let’s face it: attractive girls are usually already taken.

This means that you have competition right from the very beginning. Don’t worry just yet, though. Believe it or not, you can learn how to attract a girl who already has a boyfriend and still hook up with her in the end.

So, are you ready to learn how to attract a girl who already has a boyfriend? Then let’s begin!

Connect with her on an intensely emotional level.

The real key to attracting a girl who already has a boyfriend would be to simply use a lot of emotions. There is no chance in hell for you to rationalize with a girl and convince her to leave her boyfriend to be with you – remember that. So, what you have to do instead is use the right emotions to make her feel happy whenever she is around you. Once she realizes how much happier she is in your presence compared to when she is with her boyfriend, she will start wondering why she is with the guy she is currently with in the first place.

Another joke for the day!!!

Read this joke and went gaga with laughter. Buha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha..........I guess I'm giving more jokes in one day to atone for my time off. Enjoy.

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear that word one more time, I’ll quit! Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen.” This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.

About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, “You have to do something about the roads and sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen. The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, your own wife fell three times this week already, and your daughter fell twice!

Ten commandments for all ladies....

Ten commandments for all ladies.
1. Don’t be in a hurry to move out of your parents house.
2. Don’t wait for a man before you start living. You can live a fulfilled life as a single woman.
3. Stay away from alcohol. It has killed others and you are not special.
4. Don’t entertain a wrong number call, especially at night. Its not the right way to find a lover.
5. Develop a healthy eating habit. Always take breakfast and avoid sweets.
6. Dress well: impression count. People will judge you by the way you dress even before they talk to you.
7. Don’t use sex as proof of love. Sex is no proof of love, he’ll leave you after the sex.
8. Don’t marry for the money, else you’ll become one of his possessions.
9. Add value to yourself – get a career. Don’t be fooled that a man will solve all your problems.
10. Beauty is not everything. If it is all you have, you’ll lose your place to someone beautiful better more matured and competent than you.

GBAM!!!

Question of the day!!!

Why did you leave ur Ex?

1-Lack of money
2-Lack of trust
3-Lack of understanding
4-Lack of patience
5-Lack of care & love
6-Attitude
7-poor bed performance
8-Misunderstanding
9-Distance
10-Over demanding of sex
11-Denial of sex in a relationship
12-Other - specify

Lol. For me, I'll say I split with my ex based on mutual agreement.......if u no understand, go look am for dictionary. Lmao. Oya, lets start having answers.

#WORD

One of the hardest things you'll ever have to do: Is try to convince your heart that you're better off without the person it loves.... you may love Him/Her but you know that they are not good for you.....

Thats true...

#WORD

Joke of the day!!!

A mum was lucky enough to see her three daughters wed in the same year, so she whispered to each of them "After your weddings, text me your first night experience and don't forget to text it in a coded way!"

After a week, the first daughter sent 'NESCAFE' in an sms 2 her mum while a week later, the second sent 'BENSON'. Their mum, as a 'soji woman' picked up a tin of Nescafe and read from d label "fantastic till d last drop!" She also went to her husband's pack of Benson cigarettes and found written on it "Extra long, king size!" she thought aloud "not too bad for them at their age"

A few days later, her third daughter's text comes in, "Arik: Lagos - Kano!". So Mama calls Arik Air information desk to inquire about their Kano to Lagos flight. She was told, "Its 3 times daily, 7 days a week and the flight duration is 75 minutes to and fro!"

Mama throws herself in the air, lands, slumps and faints shouting..."Yee eeee! Eleyi ma pa mi lomo O! ( this one will kill my daughter!)"

Story for the Guys......

A man came home from work and found his five children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap, and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked: “What happened here today?” She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?” “Yes,” was his incredulous reply. She answered, ”Well, today I didn’t do anything".....

DO NOT THINK THAT BECAUSE SHE IS A HOUSEWIFE SHE IS JUST SITTING AROUND ALL DAY DOING NOTHING????

Sneak peak about me............

Good morning y'all.

Wassup??? Happy weekend!. 

How re u doing???

Just remembered, I’ve had many posts, but I’ve not really said anything about myself.

Ehmmm……..My name is Temidayo, Born and breed in Portharcourt. #PH TO DA BONES. Ha ha.

I’m quiet. Or, do I say, I used to be quiet and more reserved?? Now, I think I'm more vivacious than previously. I used to be so quiet, till I discovered it wasn't the best. People used to be scared of me, and I didn’t know. I used to be a bit temperamental also, and I surprise even myself wen I react. U’ll never know what a quiet person has in his heart, cos they’ll never talk. But, for me, all that is past now. I decided to be more open, gist more, smile more, make more friends….and hate more enemies. Lol. Come to think of it sef, I don’t tink I have any enemies. Seriously. I’m #LOVEDBYALL. Lol. 

More 'bout me after the cut....

True talk mehn..........

U dated him for 5 years had 15 abortion for him and he leaves you to marry another girl, u are free to him for blood money.

#Shekinna.